🌟 The Beacon

✝️ Republican Jesus vs. Libertarian Jesus

By The Beacon Editorial Staff (with divine consultation withheld)

Just kidding — written with ChatGPT by Pat Wright

Somewhere in the clouds, two Jesuses are having an argument.

Republican Jesus is wearing an American flag tie and clutching a Constitution that conveniently skips the Fourth Amendment. He wants to make sure everyone knows he loves freedom — as long as it’s the kind you can legislate.

He’s pro-life, pro-war, pro-tax cuts, and pro-telling-you-how-to-live. He prays before football games, votes to ban your vices, and believes the Founding Fathers were basically the Twelve Apostles in powdered wigs. His sermons come with PowerPoints, campaign donations, and a strong suspicion that the poor are just bad investors.

Meanwhile, Libertarian Jesus is over at the next table in a tie-dye robe, scrolling through his phone to see if anyone has finally read the platform. He’s skeptical of government miracles, but he’s also skeptical that anyone in his congregation can agree on what freedom actually means.

He’s against aggression, taxation, and committees. He’s for peace, voluntary kindness, and maybe—just maybe—a bake sale to fund the roads. He could save the world, but only if everyone signs a non-disclosure and waives liability first.

Republican Jesus wants to outlaw sin. Libertarian Jesus just wants to make sin optional and tax-free. Republican Jesus says, “There ought to be a law.” Libertarian Jesus says, “There ought not.” And then the room goes quiet while he explains the Non-Aggression Principle for the forty-seventh time.

To be fair, both Jesuses agree on personal responsibility. Republican Jesus thinks everyone should pull themselves up by their sandal straps. Libertarian Jesus thinks you’re free to trip over yours, as long as you don’t make him pay for your hospital bill.

In the end, Republican Jesus builds a megachurch with a tax exemption and a security fence. Libertarian Jesus sets up a meeting in the back room of a brewpub — attendance: seven, quorum: maybe.

Both believe they’re saving the world. One just wants to do it through Congress; the other through voluntary association and a really good meme strategy.

And just when things start to settle, Democratic Jesus strolls in — latte in hand, entourage of interns behind him — to announce a new program where everyone gets free loaves and fishes… funded by mandatory tithes and a sustainability surcharge.

He promises to forgive your student loans, but first he needs you to fill out a 47-page application and attend a seminar on collective compassion. He assures Republican Jesus he’ll “tax the rich,” then glances nervously at the mirror. He tells Libertarian Jesus, “You can opt out,” then quietly changes the definition of “opt.”

Now all three are arguing over whose miracle needs a permit. The water-to-wine initiative was denied on environmental grounds, the free healing clinic shut down for lack of insurance, and the Sermon on the Mount postponed pending an acoustic impact study.

Somewhere, the real Jesus just shakes his head and mutters, “This is why I never joined a political party.”

Editor’s note: This is satire. Not everyone loved it. You can’t please everyone—and you shouldn’t try. I’d rather publish something memorable than something sterile. —Pat

🐾 From the Department of Itchy Policy

Submitted by Shawn Osborne

Ever notice how a healing wound itches—and how hard it is not to scratch it? That’s why pet owners put those ridiculous-looking cones on their pets after surgery. The poor animal doesn’t understand that scratching the wound only makes it worse, so the cone protects it from its own instincts. It’s not punishment; it’s prevention. Maybe government could use a cone too. Every time something itches—a problem in society, an inequality, a crisis—politicians can’t resist scratching it. They rush in with instant-gratification policies that make everyone feel better for about five minutes… and then make the wound worse. Raising the minimum wage feels compassionate—until jobs disappear and prices rise. Rent control sounds fair—until landlords stop renting and housing vanishes. These ideas feel good, like scratching that itch, but they never heal the wound. Good intentions aren’t the same as good results. So maybe, just maybe, it’s time to put a cone on the government and stop it from hurting itself—and the rest of us—any further.

🚇 New Transit Tax Looms in the Bay Area

As BART and other transit agencies face post-COVID ridership declines and the end of federal relief funds, Bay Area voters will likely see a new sales tax hike on the November 2026 ballot.

Authorized by SB 63 (Sen. Scott Wiener), the measure would allow Contra Costa County to raise sales taxes by 0.5%, joining four other counties. Rates could hit 10.75% in some cities — with over half of residents paying 10% or more.

Critics note that taxpayers already fund transit through multiple half-cent sales taxes supporting BART, AC Transit, ferries, and road projects.

Meanwhile, California’s “cap and invest” program — an expanded version of cap-and-trade — adds as much as 23¢–74¢ per gallon to gasoline costs, overseen by the unelected California Air Resources Board (CARB). Supporters claim the revenue offsets climate change; skeptics call it a costly and ineffective energy tax.

For more, join the Contra Costa Taxpayers Association’s online forum with BART Director Matthew Rinn on Tuesday, November 18th, Noon.

🗳️ It Looks Like Prop 50 Will Pass

Subhead: Fred Schnaubelt warned us — voters can be honeyswoggled by the sweetest-sounding reforms.

This newsletter goes out every Wednesday, but it’s written and proofed early in the week — so by the time you read this, we’ll know whether Proposition 50 has officially passed.

As of Monday’s polling, Prop 50 holds a strong lead. And if those numbers hold, voters will have once again been — as our old friend Fred Schnaubelt used to say at the San Diego Libertarian Supper Club — honeyswoggled.

Fred used that word to describe what happens when voters are sweet-talked and swindled into giving up another measure of their freedom. And that’s exactly what Prop 50 represents.

Marketed as a way to “improve representation” and “ensure fairness,” Prop 50 instead locks in partisan control of redistricting, turning what was meant to be a nonpartisan process into one that overwhelmingly benefits the Democratic Party. Voters didn’t just allow it — they volunteered for it, honeyswoggled by promises of reform and transparency.

It’s a familiar story for Libertarians: every so-called “fix” that expands state power comes wrapped in the language of virtue. But underneath, it’s the same formula — less choice, less competition, less accountability.

Still, there’s hope. The truth has a long memory. Voters may be honeyswoggled for now, but reality always catches up. And when it does, the Libertarian message — local control, limited government, and honest representation — will be right here waiting, steady and unfooled.

🗳️ Shaaf “Sohail” Patel for Congress – CA-41

A Fighter for the Forgotten

Shaaf “Sohail” Patel, candidate for Congress in California’s 41st District.

Shaaf Patel is running to restore integrity, accountability, and constitutional respect in government. A tri-sport varsity letterman and longtime community advocate, Patel champions limited government, personal liberty, and America-first priorities.

He opposes endless wars and reckless foreign spending, calling instead for investment in local communities, jobs, education, and environmental stewardship. Patel stands firmly for free speech, the sanctity of life, and bipartisan cooperation that serves people—not politicians.

Protecting open spaces, preserving suburban character, and safeguarding water and wildlife remain central to his vision of responsible growth and a stronger future for California.

🗳️ Third-Party Voters Left Off Poll Books in Pennsylvania

November 4, 2025 – Chester County, Pennsylvania

Election Day in Chester County, Pennsylvania, began with confusion as independent and third-party voters discovered their names missing from check-in poll books.

County officials said early versions of the poll books accidentally omitted roughly 75,000 non-major-party registrants. Staff rushed updated poll books to all 230 precincts and advised affected voters to cast provisional ballots until the corrections arrived.

By mid-afternoon, the county reported that every polling place had the corrected lists and that all registered voters who wished to vote in person could do so. A formal review is underway to determine how the omission occurred and to prevent a repeat in future elections.

Libertarians, independents, and unaffiliated voters deserve the same seamless access at the polls as everyone else. Vigilance matters — so does a paper trail.

📝 Editor’s Note on Candidate Endorsements

It has come to our attention that some individuals expressing interest in running for office as Libertarians may not meet the standards required for official party endorsement.

To ensure clarity and fairness, we are formalizing a candidate vetting process and will publish it here once approved.

Going forward, only candidates who meet these standards will receive publicity or promotion in The Beacon.

There you have it. Another issue of The Beacon. Please feel free to send me your contributions or ideas for the next issue.
Pat Wright, editor@CA.lp.org